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My second child and our first daughter, Camille, died and was born on June, 30 2011 when I was full term at 38 weeks pregnant. I gave birth to my rainbow baby, a second daughter, on August 31, 2012. This is me trying to figure out how to be a mother to my living son and daughter and function in society after our tragic loss.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Sweet and Salty

I remember last year, around this time, I was in the darkest of despair. I still felt like I couldn't breathe. I was in a very very sad place after Camille died and I felt as though my life would never get better. I wasn't sleeping, I cried constantly. I read blogs CONSTANTLY. I felt so alone. I remember finding a post on Kate Inglis' blog Sweet Salty. I follow her on blogger but honestly I don't read her posts all the time...but...there was this one post Abide With Me: A Walk To Remember that was so profound and I would read it over and over. Last month I went looking for it, searching through her archives so I could read it over and over again. At almost a year and a half since Camille's death I still find it profound and deeply moving. In light of yesterday's tragedy at the elementary school in Connecticut I hope this will be a read that will help someone's heart the way it has mine.

She recently did a TED talk and it is also amazing and so I am giving the links here so that you can read and listen as well.

Light and love to you all.


  1. I'm very glad that you've found words that provide solace, Renel. This tragedy has stirred up so many emotions, and I feel incredibly heart-broken for those parents. The sad, dark times they are facing....oh, it just makes me cry. And I cry for you and your Camille, too. xoxo

  2. I love what Kate writes. She was the first BLM I connected with after Eliza died and she sent me the link to that walk to remember speech and I read it over and over again. Thank you for posting this. I needed to read it again today.

  3. What a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing it. I was connecting with each and every word.

    I will read again and again.

  4. I hope this christmas you have more joy and love! XOXOXO Still think of you often and hope you are doing ok! I am horrible at blogging now, I have so much to say yet no words come out...
    Sending you love!


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