- My second child and our first daughter, Camille, died and was born on June, 30 2011 when I was full term at 38 weeks pregnant. I gave birth to my rainbow baby, a second daughter, on August 31, 2012. This is me trying to figure out how to be a mother to my living son and daughter and function in society after our tragic loss.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Well my son said he wanted to draw today. We do art ALL the time...so we got out his pad and he asked for a pen said he was going to draw his family. Then he hands me a pen and asked me to draw baby Camille. UGH...um yeah I know it is good to draw and talk about your feelings and all but drawing a picture of your dead baby girl is just well a little strange. Sooooo I asked what she looked like and he said a baby. I asked if she had hair or a hat and he said curly hair, and he said she was holding flowers. Yeah I did show him the pictures the hospital took of her and they put little crocheted flowers in her hands. SIGH...I turned to my mother who was sitting there doing art work and said...Um I don't know about this whole draw your dead baby thing. And we just laughed. She said well maybe it is therapeutic :) I did draw Camille but she is smiling and her eyes are open and she is alive. She may be dead in real life but I refuse to draw her that way. I may be tempted to put little X's across her eyes or something and that wouldn't be very good. I REALLY regret not having Kai meet his sister. I kind of wanted him to but my husband didn't. We talked about it and decided against it. I think it was the wrong decision. My son would have got it. Children are so intelligent and intuitive. It's not fair we got to say goodbye and he didn't. He was really looking forward to having a sibling and I think telling him and not showing him was a mistake. DANG IT~ No Do-Overs!