There is a woman who gave birth to her second daughter a few months after I gave birth to Camille. We were pregnant together, attended MOM's Club activities together and a few weeks after Camille was born she wrote me an email that was short and sympathetic in some way in which I can not remember. I do remember thinking that the email seemed a long time on coming and short on caring....
I see her at moms club events and kid birthday parties but we certainly are no longer friends. She has the audacity to complain of the difficulties of raising two children, sleep deprivation, decreased personal time etc...All while being VERY aware that my daughter died. I often have wanted to scream at her...CHECK YOUR FUCKING COMPANY LADY! because I guarantee you I under sleep that woman any night of the week and raising two children, even with its trials, will always be much, much, much easier than raising one when you SHOULD be raising two.
I saw her at the water park the other day. I am always cordial, and she was not with anyone else except her two daughters. I introduced her to my neighbors who where there with their children as well and invited her to different areas in the park if she wanted to join us. At one point when we were by ourselves she says "I wanted to say congratulations" in reference to my current pregnancy. I looked at her and said "well I certainly am not counting my chickens"...She said," Well I just had to say SOMETHING".
Funny...but her words mean absolutely NOTHING to me. If someone can not ask me even once to my face how I am doing, or ask about Camille. If she is not compelled in the last almost year to look at me and express sorrow for my loss, than she gets NO part in anything happy in my life. I wrote her off a long time ago. It wasn't difficult for me except I find her in my company so often. I do have to say that us being pregnant simultaneously lead me to believe that she would be of some comfort during my grieving...I have been wrong before.
There will be a lot of people surprised when they either receive a birth announcement or meet my daughter without ever knowing I was pregnant. You must be present in my grief to be a part of my life. Those are the rules....I made them up after my daughter died.