About Me

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My second child and our first daughter, Camille, died and was born on June, 30 2011 when I was full term at 38 weeks pregnant. I gave birth to my rainbow baby, a second daughter, on August 31, 2012. This is me trying to figure out how to be a mother to my living son and daughter and function in society after our tragic loss.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Pregnancy Update~ Some Good News, Some Bad News

I am 30.5 weeks pregnant. They want to induce me at 38 weeks which means I am on the 7.5 week count down. 7.5 weeks sounds much sooner than 2 months.

I had my perinatology visit this morning.
I will start with the positive things:
1. The baby is measuring in at 3 lbs which means she has doubled her weight in the last month. She is measuring in the 39th percentile.
2. She moved head down.

The bad things:
1. I have gestational diabetes. I am pretty sad about this for multiple reasons. Really it scares me. I have not had this with either of my other two pregnancies. I asked why this would be taking place and if the things I list below could affect it.
     A. Familial history (my father has type 2 which he developed in his 60's and manages with diet)
     B. Starting my pregnancy 20 lbs over my usual weight (I got pregnant 6 months after giving birth and had not lost my pregnancy weight)
     C. Increased stress on my adrenal system secondary to grief
     D. Being pregnant for almost 2 years straight puts a big strain on my pancreas
The answer to all of those is yes. I will have to start doing finger sticks and managing my blood glucose. The thing is, my doctor said that the recommendations may not be that different than what I am already doing. I asked why I have not gained excessive weight (22 lbs so far) and the baby is not measuring large. The MD said it is most likely because I eat healthier than a normal person. So although my pancreas is not working optimally I am not straining it regularly the way other people probably do. What concerns me is that I am eating really healthy and my pancreas continues to not function in an adequate way. Another concern OBVIOUSLY is the impact this could have on the baby. Google has all kinds of things to scare any mama let alone a BLM regarding gestational diabetes.

2. My amniotic fluid is low. I have to go back in a week. My doctor seems somewhat unconcerned about the GD but concerned enough about the fluid levels for me to return in a week. 7.5 was my measurement and 8 is lower level of what they want to see. The question both my husband and I had which of course of ALL the questions we asked did not think to ask this one: Is gestational diabetes and low fluid level correlated...Well google says yes. Weird but GD can make you gain a bunch of weight and have a big baby with excessive amniotic fluid or you can be gaining regular weight and have low amniotic fluid levels. Low fluid levels has its own risks and obviously my doctor wants me back in a week.

He did do a doppler on the fetal blood flow and everything looks good, no restrictions etc...but guess what? I have to go back in a week because it still concerns him.
I am FRUSTRATED. I am worried. I have so little control over any of this. What was also difficult for me was that during our discussion with our doctor Daryl actually started to cry. It is hard because I see him cry very very rarely, a handful of times in the 14 years we have been together, I know he worries too. He asked are we still going to have an healthy alive baby at the end of this. The MD is very hopeful and he definitely helps decrease our stress....but....we are still stressed.

I can continue to work 2 days a week, but he wants me laying down most of the time when I am home to help fluid levels. He also wants me to take two 15-30 min walks a day to help with my GD. Two different problems highly correlated and treated with opposing activity guidelines. The doctor is not freaking out but my high risk pregnancy just stepped up a couple notches.


  1. Oh Renel. No advice, just hugs and love. This is SO hard, but I wish you didn't have this additional stress.

  2. I'm sorry for the added stress for an already stressful pregnancy. I hope you get goods news in a week and am glad for the current health and well being of your little one - may these be minor bumps in the road when looking back

  3. Dangit. Once again I'm just so frustrated that us BLMs have to have difficult pregnancies. It's just not fair! While it's scary to have to go back to the doctor and for him to show concern, it's also great because he should be vigilant about things-- especially since you lost Camille. I would think he is trying to show his concern more readily to you as well because you've lost so much and he doesn't want that to happen again. In that sense, he's doing what he should to prove that he's trying everything he can to ensure this baby is safe. If you weren't a BLM, he would likely be writing in for monthly checkup still.

    With you all the way. 7.5 weeks. Grow healthy, baby!

  4. Crossing my fingers that everything stays manageable for the next 7.5 weeks, Renel. It must be so hard trying not to get stressed. One day at a time. Or if that's too much, one hour at a time. Sometimes I think that's all we can do - get through the scary parts of life one minuscule chunk at a time. Thinking of you.

  5. Oh, Renel. I know that any additional stress gets amplified to the nth degree after losing a baby. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with complications. It's hard to remember that for most people, GD is no big deal and fluid level can change dramatically from week to week... Because those kind of probabilities just don't apply to us anymore. What it does mean is that this baby will be closely watched for the next 7.5 weeks, and at the first sign of trouble, they will be able to intervene. I am so hopeful and optimistic for you. I know that doesn't cancel the fear, but I hope with all my heart that in 7.5 weeks you are breathing a huge sigh of relief and holding Kai and Camille's healthy little sister in your arms.

  6. Oh Renel. You and your pregnancy are on my mind daily. Take your time, one foot in front of the other with peaceful thoughts. That's all you can do.
    By you side
    Sending love

  7. This is so not fair. Try to relax and like Brooke said the good thing is all the extra monitoring is a good thing. My amniotic fluid stayed low but things turned out well. Keeping you in my thoughts. Love to you my friend. 7.5 weeks is so close.

  8. I wish you didn't have this extra stress. 7.5 weeks. It seems so close from way out here, but I imagine for you it seems like an eternity, too. Wishing for as much peace as possible under the circumstances for you in the days to come.

  9. Hugs Honey. Hopefully in 7.5 weeks this will all be behind you.
    <3 Em

  10. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I'm sorry for the complications. I hope the additional monitoring is more reassuring. Lots of love to you!

  11. You strong mama, you deserve a stress free pregnancy. i have no advice. This is so ridiculously unfair. All I know is that everything you are doing is for the baby and you are doing great. My hopes and wishes are always with you. Make sure those doctors are keeping a super close eye on you and keep us updated!

  12. I am keeping you in my hearts and thoughts and hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. I go in tommorrow to find out about gestational diabetes so far my bad news is that as it stands right now I have full plecenta previa, they are hoping that my uterus pulls by the next ultrasound.Thinking of you xoxoxoxoxo

  13. As Sally says, this is SO hard and I'm sorry that you are facing these additional issues, especially with opposing treatments. Hard to know whether to walk about or to rest. Sigh.

    Yay for 3lbs and head down though. Hoping, hoping, hoping for you, for safety and happiness and peace xo

  14. I'm sorry about the additional stress - like pregnancy after loss isn't stressful enough. I won't say don't worry, b/c that would be silly, but I have had GD in all 3 of my pregnancies and it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I don't want to give unwanted advice, but the walks after eating really help lower your glucose levels. Hang in there - 7.5 more weeks to go.

    1. Monique~I think all advice would be good advice because I have never done this before. I am a vegetarian and am wondering if the dietary changes will be harder because of this... what did you do for dietary changes? thank you for your insight

  15. I am so sorry for the stress Renel. While my issues were different from yours, I can say that seeing the peri every single week was the best decision we ever made. If something continues to go in the wrong direction you will catch it immediately and take appropriate action. Thinking of you and sending much love and light...

  16. Oh dear. GD sucks and I am so sorry for all the added stress this is bringing. I have to agree with Leslie that maybe going in once a week will actually help ease the stress a bit. I really, really appreciated the frequency in which I got to be seen when I was pregnant with Clio.
    7.5 weeks! So close Renel. So close.

  17. Oh my, I didn't realize you were so far along. Where does the time go?

    I'm sorry you have to deal with the additional stress and worry of GD. And how frustrating that it does seem like you're being given two opposing recommendations. Grrr, I'm frustrated for you.

    I hope that, by the time your next appointment rolls around, things start looking up, and I hope the next 7 weeks go as smoothly as they possibly can. Big hugs. xo

  18. Grrr... this is the third time I have written this comment, stupid phone!! Anyway, once I hit 30 weeks, time started really ticking by. Bc of my added complication with the previa this time, I was so focused on getting to 32 weeks, then to 34, then past 35 (when we lost Hayes), etc. I am sorry you have an added complication too... it certainly does not help matters. The ONLY consolation is that they will be monitoring her even closer now. And since you eat so well, sounds like you may have it under control. I hope there are no issues to deal with. I think of you often as I know you are in the thick of this pregnancy stress. Soon, my friend! Cannot wait for her arrival! And as far as how I'm doing? OK, I guess. Life is good right now, certainly. K and S make me so happy. Grief has been rearing its ugly head and bringing some past emotions with it, but such is our story now, I think. Prob doesn't help that it will be 2 years in less than a month. A post about Me soon, promise. You take care, and keep us posted!

  19. notfairnotfairnotfair :(

    At least they'll monitor the heck out of you and baby for the next few weeks. You know my motto - check into L&D whenever you feel any extra concern...it does allow for a few hours of relief.

    So close! I know it must not feel like it, but it is.

  20. When we get stress then never go to depression.when you prepare mentally to face that problem then only you get the capacity to over come those problems.

  21. Sorry to hear about the bad things. I am glad they are being cautious, but being told to go for a walk and lie down as much as you can would have me a little worried. My doctor told me the other day that we are not in control of this. That's not something that's easy to accept, especially when we are in control of so many other things in our lives, but I have to agree with him. Our little girls will come when they are ready, no matter what we do.

    I hope you can try to get some rest, and maybe talk to your work if things get too stressful there. And please enjoy those walks, at least on behalf of those of us who have to sit on our butts all day!

  22. Oh, Renel. You don't need this complication or the added stress that the worry can bring. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you - only a few more weeks and you'll be there!

  23. Oh Renel - that's really frustrating - so not what you need at this stage. Glad you are able to focus on the positives and to know that the Doctors are keeping an eye on the GD and the fluid - that they've noted and are taking some action. I can't imagine the stress with only 7.5 weeks to go. Thoughts and hugs going into the next weeks. Di xx

  24. I am so mad that you have to deal with all of this on top of the already taxing task of surviving. It truly isn't fair!

    As difficult as it is to see your man cry, I am glad he did. Of course he's worried too. Worried about your unborn daughter and worried about the woman he loves. It's good to get it out and also good that you got to see it to know the depth of his love.

    Hang in there Renel. Counting down the days.

  25. Holding your hand as you walk through this. I wish I had some advice, but I don't. I will tell you once I was at the weekly visits it was almost a relief, some closer benchmark towards delivery I could see. I don't know. I just wish this was easier.

  26. Oh Renel, I feel for you so much... Subsequent pregnancy is just so, so hard... and you just don't deserve any extra complications.

    Regarding the GD, diet is just SO IMPORTANT. Both of my brothers have type 1 diabetes, and whilst it's slightly different to GD, they both say diet has a HUGE impact. I have every confidence that you will be brilliant at managing this - you are a healthy vegetarian, and eat really well as it is. Unlike the amniotic fluid situation, at least this is one thing you can have a measure of control over.

    Re the amniotic fluid... that is just plain unfair. I hope hope hope that it reaches a better level, and more importantly, I hope hope hope that the time just flies by for you so that you can keep your stress levels low.

    I found, when the stress got really bad, a bit of distraction works well - maybe a bit of lighthearted tv, light reading, or something like that?

    Thinking of you so much lately. xx


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