- My second child and our first daughter, Camille, died and was born on June, 30 2011 when I was full term at 38 weeks pregnant. I gave birth to my rainbow baby, a second daughter, on August 31, 2012. This is me trying to figure out how to be a mother to my living son and daughter and function in society after our tragic loss.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Today it has been 3 months since Camille died. I seem to be having a really hard time lately. One minute I feel like I am coping well, I will survive, I can do this because I have no choice but I feel positive and hopeful and can try and find joy in life. The last couple days are just moody and sad and gray. I am sick of the sunshine. It doesn't match the season or my sorrow. Too much sunshine makes me sad. I miss my daughter. I feel full of tears, my hope isn't so bright, I miss her so much, my baby. I just wish it was different, I wish she was alive. I feel powerless and exhausted from being sad for 3 months. It feels heavy, all this missing. I need a vacation from grief, I want my baby, I really really want my baby. I am just so so so sad.